You Have Issues
by demonlrd66
Summary: The YYH gang goes to a Psychiatrist! Everything just falls apart and Kuwabara may be the only one who's actually normal! Please read! It's better than it sounds. CH.4! Karasu shows up! DISCONTINUED
1. You've Got Issues

NarratorDude: Two people are sitting at a computer desk playing chess

dl66: Checkmate!

Kurama/looks up/ Hm? They're people here.

dl66: Huh/looks up from victory dance/ Oh! Hello! I am Demonlrd66! Welcome to my fic. This is Kur...

Yusuke/falls from ceiling/ How did I get here?

dl66: I brought you here to be in my fic.

Yusuke: _You_ brought me here?

dl66: Yep. And the others should be here shortly. /looks at watch/ Any minute now.

NarratorDude: 5 minutes later

dl66: Any minute now. /bangs on ceiling/ Come on!

Kurama: Uh. Miss dl66.

dl66/fire aura forming/ What!

Kurama: I think someone's at the door.

NarratorDude: Dl66 lets Kuwabara and Hiei in, Hiei tries to kill her, Kuwabara eats all the food in the mini-fridge, continue intro.

dl66: Okay NarratorDude! Time for the disclaimer!

NarratorDude: dl66 does not own YYH or any of the characters in this fic except for the Psychiatrist. She does not own the Barbie Girl song either so get over it! And don't sue her because she only has five dollars left from Easter!

dl66: Well, now that that's taken care of, here's my fic!

"ice-cream"-talking

_ice cream - thinking_

ice cream -guy who lives in Yusuke's head

**Ice cream -NarratorDude**

/ice cream/ -action (when I feel the need to use it)

ICE CREAM -yelling (I'm too lazy to write out 'yelled' after they yell)

(ice cream) - my notes. I am author! Hear my opinion!

**Our favorite Spirit Detective team is sitting in a small room in an even smaller building. I don't know how that works so just go with it. Okay?**

"Why are we here?" Yusuke asked. "This is such a waste of time."

"Koenma decided we have mental issues from all of the time we spend in the Makai and need to see a psychiatrist." Kuwabara said.

"Hn. I think you always had mental issues, baka." Hiei muttered.

"What's that shorty? You want a piece of this? I'll show you who's got mental issues."

"Relax Kuwabara. No need to do anything stupid." Kurama said.

**Of course by now Hiei and Kuwabara were running around the impossibly small room trying to kill each other. Which basically consisted of hitting each other over the head with random things they could find sitting around because the room was way too small to actually run in because somehow it was smaller than the building it was in so...**

"Excuse me." Kurama kindly interrupted the NarratorDude, "But could you not be so lengthy?"

**Wait, you shouldn't be able to see me.**

"It's sort of hard considering you're so big."

"Kurama, who are you talking to?" Yusuke asked.

"Why, the NarratorDude."

"What "NarratorDude"?" _I think Kurama's finally cracked under all the mental strain. This is what happens when you study to much. Wait, does that have one "o" or two? Wait! What do I care!_

**Yusuke continued to debate with himself for another five minutes.**

"THERE! RIGHT THERE! See him? Yusuke are you listening to me?"

"What Kurama?" _I have to stop doing that. _Yeah, you really do. _Who are you? _I'm the guy that lives in your head. _How'd you get there? _I was left here by evil mind eating aliens who decided your brain wasn't worth eating so they just left me here until it develops._ Oh. Wait. What? _Exactly.

"Yusuke do you see the NarratorDude or what?"

"Well." At this point Yusuke starts looking around. "No not really." Gesse. Your brain really is underdeveloped. _Watch it dude. _I told you I'm not a "dude" I'm a guy. The big guy up there is a dude. _What "big guy up there"? _The NarratorDude! "Am I the only one who can't see him?"

"See who Urameshi?" Kuwabara had finally managed to get away from Hiei though he was missing a limb.

**Eww! Gross! Missing limbs! Make it stop! **

(all right all right! I shall use my mighty author powers to reattach Kuwabara's limb. /flash of light/ There. Ya happy?)

**Yes thank you very much.**

"THERE! THERE!" Kurama starts frantically pointing up. "Does anyone else see that?"

I do. _You do?_ Of course. _But you live in my head. You can't see outside._ Says who? "The guy in my head can see it." 

"Man Urameshi you do have problems."

"No, no, he was left there by aliens. He's supposed to help my brain develop."

"Alright Urameshi. What ever you say." _Gees. These guys are crazy. I'm out of here._

**Kuwabara then made a break for the door. As he got there it opened inward hitting him in the head and knocking him out.**

"There he is again!" Kurama was now jumping and pointing upward.

"Of course dear."

**Everyone turned and looked at the person who had opened the door, thus knocking Kuwabara unconscious and taking up more space in the room that was supposed to be smaller than the bui... Ow! Ow! Stop hitting me!**

"Hn. Shut up baka NarratorDude." Hiei was repeatedly hitting the NarratorDude with his katana.

"See! See! Hiei can see him too! I'm not crazy!" Kurama started jumping around in circles singing."I'm a Barbie girl, In the Barbie wo-o-orld" (God that's stupid)

**Well, Ouch! You made, Knock it off! Him do that. **

(Well now I use my mighty powers to change the song to something less stupid /flash of light/ There! That is such a better song!)

Kurama now began singing, "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts. I'm to sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York, and Japan."

**Yeah, that's, Ow! Much, Stop that! Better than the Barbie song. Now knock it off. Do something!**

(Yes it is better)

Oh you know it girl.

(Thanks guy who lives in Yusuke's head.)

Just call me Bob.

(Alright)

"Can I call you Bob?" Yusuke asked. Sure. I mean I am in your head after all.

**What about me?**

You may call me Master.

**But I don't wanna!**

"Wow. Is He crying?" I thought you couldn't see him? "Yeah but when the person in your head can see something, you might as well be able to see it too." _Was that enough "o's"?_ Yes, very good Earthling. Yusuke runs off to dance with Kurama.

"I'm a model, you know what I mean, and I do my little turn on the catwalk, yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk yeah. I do my little turn on the catwalk."

**And thus Ow! Now will you just stop that! (use my mighty author powers to make Hiei stop hitting you with his katana. /flash of light/ He know has the power to hit you with a dump truck. /another flash of light revealing Hiei sitting in a dump truck/ Hahahahah! I love this job.)**

**And thus we leave our so-called heroes while I run for my life.**

dl66: Well, what do you think?

NarratorDude: A soft cricket noise fills the room.

dl66: That bad huh?

Yusuke & Hiei: Yes!

Yusuke: How dare you tell everyone I have a person in my head!

Kuwabara: Yeah. I was the only one who was supposed to know that!

Everyone/anime fall/

dl66: U Yes, well, on that note. Please tell me what you think. and if you don't like it /bursts into tears/ WHY!

Kurama/politely bows/ Please excuse her.

dl66/jumps up from corner smiling/ Kurama you are so nice! Here's the end of story thing.

Will the trip to the psychiatrist help the gang? Will NarratorDude ever stop being so winded? Will Kuwabara ever wake up? Will Kurama and Yusuke ever stop singing? Will Hiei stop trying to kill the NarratorDude? Or will he succeed? If he succeeds who will make all of my stupid announcements? (Yusuke: You could do it yourself. dl66: Never!) Will there even be a second chapter? Review so I can decide if I even want to answer these questions. TTFN! -


	2. Tell Me About Your Family

dl66/staring blankly at pile of papers/

Yusuke/playing cards/ Hey Kuwabara, got any 5's?

Kuwabara: Nope, go fish.

Yusuke/muttering/ I hate this game.

Kuwabara: Hey NarratorDude, got any queens?

NarratorDude: No. /looks at dl66/ I think she's in shock.

Kurama: Well she did get some reviews.

dl66/jumps up dancing/ I got reviews! I got reviews! sorry.

Hiei: Can I kill him/points at NarratorDude/

NarratorDude: No/throws pint of ice cream at Hiei/ Go away!

Hiei/devours ice cream/ My sweet-snow!

dl66/completely grossed out/ Well anyway, I have eight reviews, and /pulls out plate/ fresh cookies!

Kuwabara & Yusuke/dive for cookies/

dl66: Not for you! They're for the reviewer peoples! Now to answer reviews:

fightingcomet: All my friends tell me that. I'm glad you liked my story! For being my first reviewer person you get two cookies!

youkai: Thank you! Here's the update! And a cookie!

Suarhighkitsune: Thank you! I'll try to keep writing. Here is your cookie.

Princess Kandra: Thank you! So far no one. /bows/ here is more + a cookie!

Mystikl Sushi: Wow! My first paragraph review! Here are two cookies! I have a plot in mind, but I sorta went of on a weird streak before I could reach it. It should come together here.

HI: You should see a psychiatrist. But thanks! Here's your cookie!

pepsi-dog: I know the Barbie song was a little out there. That's why I changed it. But it was just too weird to cut out all together. And... and... well... have a cookie!

crosser: O.o okay. I'm glad you liked but are you sure you're okay? Well, here's a cookie for you! and one for Torin. If he can even eat cookies.

dl66: O.o Wow! That's a lot of reviews! I wasn't expecting so many/trails off/ Hey! Cookies/devours leftover cookies/ Mmmmmm. That was good!

Kuwabara & Yusuke/in shock/ you ate all the cookies!

dl66: Hm? Okay! Disclaimer time /hands Hiei cue card/ Read this and I will give you ice cream.

Hiei/reading/ dl66 does not own YYH or any of the characters in this story except for Psychiatrist, NarratorDude, and herself. Do not sue her because she only has 5 dollars left from Easter. /turns head/ Where's my sweet snow?

dl66: Well/looks around nervously/ here's the story/runs/

* * *

"talking" 

_thinking_

guy who lives in Yusuke's head (Bob)

**NarratorDude**

/actions when I'm feeling lazy/

YELLING

* * *

**When we last left our so-called heroes Kuwabara had been knocked out by Psychiatrist entering the impossibly small room, Kurama and Yusuke were singing and dancing, Hiei was trying to kill me with a dump truck, and Bob**

You must call me "Master"

**/sigh/ And "Master" was talking to dl66 about whatever they were talking about.**

"Wait a second." Kurama suddenly stopped dancing. "Who's "Master"?"

"Hm?" Yusuke then stopped dancing. "Oh! You mean Bob. He's the guy that lives in my head. He was left by aliens to..." Shut up! _Why?_ Everyone doesn't need to know about me! She's a psychiatrist! She'll try to convince you I don't exist! _Is that a bad thing? _Yes!

"Yusuke? What are you doing?" Kurama asked suddenly.

"Nothing. Where's Kuwabara?"

"If you are referring to this boy here." A strange voice said. Everyone turned to look.

"Who are you?"

"I am Dr. Howwouldyouliketodietoday. But you may simply call me Psychiatrist."

"Hi!" Are you stupid! "Is that a rhetorical question?" No! Didn't you see her name? "No."

Everyone looks at Yusuke. "Who is he talking to?" Psychiatrist asked.

"Who knows?"

**Now B... Master and Yusuke continued to talk for a few minutes and Psychiatrist began to take notes on the conversation Yusuke was having, supposedly with himself.**

"How am I supposed to know her name? She said it to fast for me to hear." Just look at how it's spelled! Yusuke then noticed the nameplate sitting on the desk. (Yusuke: Where did the desk come from? dl66: Shut up and read the plate!) "Dr. M. Howwouldyouliketodietoday. So what?" Break it apart. "Dr. M. How would you like to die today. So wh... Wait a minute." There you go monkey brain. "Her name is really weird."

**Everybody in the room anime falls.**

"Well. Now that Yusuke is all finished, let's get started. Please sit down." Psychiatrist-whose-name-is-really-a-sentence-about-death said. Everybody sat.

"Wait for me!" A voice called from the hall. "I'm coming!" The door flew open. "Here I...aahhh!"

* * *

dl66: Should I just stop here? You know, make it a cliffy? 

Everyone: No way!

NarratorDude: Are you crazy?

dl66: Is that a rhetorical question?

Yusuke: Just keep going!

dl66: Okay ;)

* * *

**The girl running down the hall into the room tripped and fell upon entering the room. Unfortunately she tripped over Hiei who had been sitting on the floor by the door. Don't ask me why he just was.** (Shut up and say what I told you) **Sorry. Hiei then jumped up and prepared to kill the unwary girl until...**

What's with the dot, dot, dot?

**It's just what I was told to do.**

"Bob is arguing with NarratorDude." Yusuke said quickly.

"Of course he is." Psychiatrist said sweetly. (Why is she so f-ing sweet?) You made her that way. (Oh yeah! I've gotta stop interupting my own fic.) Yes you do.

"Hiei! Don't kill her!" Kurama yelled.

"Hn. Why not."

"Because I have ice cream?" She ventured.

"Gimme." The girl quickly handed over the ice cream and dove out of the way to avoid the spray as Hiei quickly devoured it.

"Now, who are you dear?" Do I even need to tell you who said that?

"I'm Risty." She said bowing politely. "My last five psychiatrists told me I should go to group counseling and I finally decided to listen to them."

**The room was silent for about five minutes as everyone registered the fact that she'd been to five psychiatrists.** (I've really only been to 2)

"Of course, dear. Now If you would kindly take a seat I'd like to start the session." Risty sat next to Kurama for protection from Hiei who had finished the ice cream and was now staring angrily at her.

**That was my line!**

You have enough lines.

(I know, really.)

"Well, first I would like to ask about your families. Kurama, would you care to go first?"

"Alright. I live with my mother, Shiori, my stepfather, (a/n I don't know his name. Sry.) and my stepbrother, Suichi. We are all very happy."

"Alright. Anything else you'd like to tell us?"

"No, that's about it."

"Alright. Hiei? It's your turn."

"Hn. Why should I answer you?"

"Because the quicker you answer the quicker we get out of here." Risty whispered.

"Hn. I was thrown off a cliff when I was a baby and I have a half-sister."

"Who is your sister?"

"..."

"What is your relationship like with her?"

"She doesn't know I'm her brother. I want to tell her so much, but I don't want to hurt her. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

**Hiei then began crying like a baby and rambling about how much he missed her and wanted her to know but didn't know how she'd react and it was all very much out of character for him but hey, who really noticed?** (Hiei: You made me cry? Do you have a fricken death wish or what! dl66: Dl66 is not here at the moment please leave a message after the beep. BEEP. Hiei: -.-u)

"Well, I'm afraid I can't help you there. Okay Kuwabara, what about you?"

"Hey! I wasn't finished lady!"

"Too bad shrimp! She wants to talk to me now!" Kuwabara suddenly got very serious. "I live with my older sister who smokes too much. Whew. I'm so glad I got that off my chest."

"That's all?"

"Yep. Pretty much."

"Alright. Yusuke?"

"So you really think Keiko would be mad about those magazines?" Oh definitely. Girls get so pissed off about that stuff it's not even funny. "Well, what if I just hid them under my bed?" No, she'd find out, trust me. Girls have a sort of sixth sense about these things. "Hey Bob. How do you know all this stuff?" I was left by aliens, they know more about humans than you'd think. "Really? Who would've thought?"

"Excuse me, Yusuke? Who are you talking to?"

"Uh, uh, no one?" That is such an unconvincing lie. _Shut up! I'm trying here!_

"Well, would you care to tell me about your family?"

"Sure. My mom's an alcoholic in her 20's (a/n I think. correct me if I'm wrong plz.) and my dad's a no show."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"How do think it makes me feel? I practically raised myself. You gotta be tough when that happens. How would it make you feel? Huh?"

"Yusuke. No need to kill her." Kurama politely interrupted.

"Okay then. Moving on. You, um, Risty. What's your family like?"

**Up until now Risty and Hiei had been sitting on the floor eating ice cream trying to figure out a way to kill Psychiatrist and escape in time to catch the ice cream truck when it went up her block.**

"Hm? My family?" She suddenly became very serious. "Well, I have a typical family. Single mother has child in teens, lives with mother's family, then child's father's family. Father leaves when the child's eight. Makes no contact with family for about 3-4 years. Finds out child is to be adopted by mother's spouse suddenly makes contact. I know live happily with my mother, adopted stepfather, and stepbrother. End of story."

"How does that make you feel?"

"Well, My dad hasn't made contact since he got out of jail even though I've written him twice. So he can just rot in Hell."

"Alrighty then. Next we'll do some word association."

**And so we leave our, do I have to call them "heroes"?**

Yes.

**Why?**

Because I am your master and I said so! Mwahahahahaha!

**And so we leave our heroes sitting in the small room waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

* * *

**

NarratorDude: I guess we're leaving that for next chapter.

dl66/banging head against wall/ Stupid, stupid, stupid!

NarratorDude: What are you doing?

Yusuke: No, let her go. This is first class entertainment. Kuwabara grab those cookies.

Kuwabara: Already on it. /walks over with plate of left over cookies/ Here we go. /sits next to Yusuke/

dl66: I was /sniff/ trying to make the /sob/ family thing funny. /sniff, sob/ But with Hiei crying /sniff, sniff/ and /snort/ the whole "my dad" thing /sob/ I think I was just annoying. /bursts into tears/

Hiei: At least you gave me sweet snow.

dl66: Yeah. Well. Okay. If you didn't think I was annoying, please tell me. If you want me to keep going please tell me. If you /sniff/ hated the story and think I should just stop writing all together. /bursts into even more tears/ WHY!

Kurama: Everybody grab an umbrella.

Yusuke: Forget that! Someone get a boat!

NarratorDude: What is this word association? Will they survive? Will Risty and Hiei figure out how to catch the ice cream truck? If not how long will their supply survive in the warm psychiatrist person's room? Why the hell is Risty even there? Will I ever get to stop calling that jerk Master? When do I get paid!

dl66: You don't. /resumes crying/

NarratorDude: NOOOOOO!

Yusuke: Knock it off! We don't get paid either.

NarratorDude: Oh, okay. Review so she'll shut up.


	3. Word Association! The second sign of the...

NarratorDude: Right hand green. /looks at dl66/ What's her problem?

Kurama/trying not to fall/ I don't know. Did she get any reviews?

NarratorDude: The doorbell rings

Yusuke: What are you doing /trying to balance with his legs crossed/ Damn it!

NarratorDude: I'm the narrator. /spins spinner/ Left foot blue. It's what I do.

dl66: Wait the doorbell /jumps up and runs to the door/ Yeah /takes tray from messenger and slams door in his face/ I got brownies!

Yusuke: What /falls/ What happened to the cookies?

dl66: Those were for last chapter. This time I ordered brownies.

Kuwabara & Yusuke: Gimme!

dl66: Alright. One for you /hands one to Yusuke/ one for you /hands one to Kurama/ one for you /hands one to NarratorDude/ one for you /hands one to Kuwabara/ and one for Hiei!

Hiei/staring at brownie/ WTF is this?

dl66: it's a brownie. You eat it. /starts crying/ I can only give them out this chapter because I got so few reviews. /sniff, sniff/

Kuwabara: I'll take the rest!

Yusuke: Don't talk with your mouth full!

Kuwabara: You're one to talk!

NarratorDude: Yusuke and Kuwabara get into a fight over manners and brownies while Kurama tries to calm dl66.

dl66: Okay /jumps up and grabs brownies/ Time to answer my only two reviews. Alright! Here we go!

SugarhighKitsune: My god! You really like me! And you're the only person who reviewed both chapters so far! Good for you! Have two brownies!

fire-demon-goddess: Thank you! I'm so glad you liked the family thing! I was afraid it would just be annoying. Thanks for the age. I'll probably correct that sometime soon. You are not a freak. As a reward for how old Yusuke's mom is you also get two brownies! Good for you! BTW I like your story!

dl66: Now normally I would be all, like, you know, depressed and stuff, but, like two people added me to their, like favorites, so I'm, like totally siked man! Gesse I hate people who talk like that! Nothing against them! But I mean

1. We don't know, and if we did you wouldn't be telling us!

2. Why do you have to say "like" so much! If you don't actually like something or you're not saying it's like something don't use the word! and

3. Just say what you mean! Sorry, I probably should have saved this for a more appropriate time but hey! Who really cares!

NarratorDude: dl66 would like me to correct this sentence for her.

Correct: "Normally I would be depressed but two people added me to their favorites so I am very excited and happy." Do I get paid now?

dl66: You don't get paid! Mwahahaha! Here are brownies for Princess Kandra and fightingcomet for adding me to their favorites. /sniff/ I feel so loved.

Kurama/hands dl66 a tissue/ Here. Now stop crying, we're still trying to fix the flood damage from the last time you cried.

dl66: Hey! I am a very emotional person!

Yusuke: You did it, not me.

Kurama/sigh/ Don't you have a chapter to write?

dk66: Oh yeah! NarratorDude! Stop playing Twister and do my disclaimer!

NarratorDude: Dl66 does not own YYH or any of the characters in this fic except for Psychiatrist, NarratorDude, and herself. She does not own Twister (who would want to?), Pepsi, "I'm Too Sexy" (it belongs to Right Said Fred,) or the "You Got What I Need" song (I don't know who does). Don't sue her because she's just a kid and doesn't have a lot of money and you will never take her iPod away from her! And she would like to give a quick "Thank you + brownie" to Mystikl Sushi for the idea of psychiatrists driving their patients to insanity. Dl66 may use that in the story and it is only fair to give credit, (and brownies) for such ideas.

dl66: Very good. Now on with the chapter!

* * *

"talking" 

Bob

**NarratorDude**

/actions whenever I feel the need/

(my notes, I am author here me roar! meow.)

YELLING I'M LAZY. SO WHAT?

* * *

**We last left our hero peoples sitting and waiting in the room of Psychiatrist whose name is really Martha Stewart! Mwahaha! Oops. Wrong story. /grabs new card/ Alright. Psychiatrist whose name is really Martha Howwouldyouliketodietoday. She was about to make them do something called "word association" and Hiei and Risty were planning to kill her and catch the ice cream truck. **

"Excuse me. But NarratorDude, are you sure you should be telling people that?" Kurama asked.

**What do you mean?**

"Well, if you're planning to kill someone they probably shouldn't know."

**She can't see me.**

"Oh. That's right!"

Aren't you supposed to be the smart one? "Be nice Bob." Make me. "Maybe I should just throw you out! Huh?" I'm sorry. Wait! You can't throw me out! "I can't?" No you can't! "Darn."

"Yusuke, are you feeling alright? You're talking to yourself." Kurama asked. (isn't he so sweet?)

**No, that's just Bob.** Master!** That's just "Master". He lives in Yusuke's head.**

"You don't say."

"What's going on?" Psychiatrist asked.

**As Hiei and Risty were plotting Kuwabara was forced to answer.**

"Well, Urameshi thinks there's a guy in his head named Bob who was left by aliens and Kurama thinks there's some guy named "NarratorDude" who is above us talking."

"Like, a god?"

"No, like some narrator dude who sits at the top of the scene and tells everyone whats happening."

"Fascinating!" Psychiatrist said, before quickly jotting the information down in her notebook.

**We have finally seen Kuwabara act intelligent! It's the second sign of the apocalypse!** What was the first? (Hiei agreeing to go to therapy.) Oh. **I didn't know that!** (You never asked.)

"Excuse me." Psychiatrist said. "I'd like to start the next exercise."

**Kurama then jumped from the closet wearing one of those one-piece body suits people wear to exercise, and... Matching leg warmers!** (/bow, bow/ forgive me)

"No, no, no, Kurama, not that kind of exercise. And put my jazzercise out fit back in the closet! Now I'm going to say a word, and you say the first thing that comes to mind. Risty, foot."

"Ball."

"Quarter."

"Back."

"High."

"School." (lame I know but it gets better)

"Alright. You seem to be obsessed with High School football."

"No I'm not, I'm just not very creative."

"Alright then. Kurama, your turn. Foot."

"Yard."

"Quarter."

"Half."

"High."

"Low."

"Hm. You seem to be very intellectual. Very nice."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now Kuwabara. Foot."

"Ankle."

"Quarter."

"Yes please."

"High."

"Hi!"

"Puffy Ami Yumi?" Risty asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi. It's a cartoon."

"Alright dear. Well, Kuwabara's perfectly normal."

**At this time the sound of the ice cream truck came in the windows and everyone in the room passed out at the thought of Kuwabara being normal.**

"Alright, Yusuke's turn. Foot."

"Up your ass."

"Quarter."

"Gimme."

"High."

"Wait! You're allowed to be high?"

"No dear. I'm not. Well, you seem to be a tough little guy huh?"

"What did you call me!"

"Hiei, you're next dear."

"I AM NOT A LITTLE GUY!" (guess who said this)

"Foot."

"Hn."

"Quarter."

"What?"

"High."

"Hn. Baka."

"Excuse me? Well any way. Your answers were insufficient. I'll have to run more tests on you five."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The entire group cried in unison.

"Well I'm going to ask you a few more words. First one is, "pyromaniac"."

"Hiei." Kuwabara quickly said.

"Do you want to die? I am not a maniac."

"Pyromaniac dear. There's a difference."

"Hn. Same thing."

"Oh! Oh! Me! I'm a pyromaniac!" Risty then pulled out a flamethrower a roasted the room. "No! The ice cream's melting!"

**Hiei then tried to kill Risty while she tried to save the ice cream and the ice cream truck stopped right outside the locked window in the room.** (don't you hate it when he stops right in front of your house and you can't go out? It sucks!)

"-.-u She's definitely a pyromaniac." Kurama sighed. "She lit my thirteenth birthday cake on fire."

"There were a lot of candles! Any one could make that mistake!" Risty replied.

"Fire demons are definitely pyromaniacs." Yusuke decided. Which got him an evil glare from Hiei. "But not you Hiei!" He quickly added, inching away from the angry fire demon.

"Well, before this gets any more out of hand, the next word is "ewe"."

"Got what I need."

"Excuse me Risty, I don't believe Igot that."

"You got what I need. The stupid song from that Pepsi commercial."

"Oh yeah! Let's sing!" And with that Kurama, Yusuke, and Risty began singing:

"You, you got what I ne-e-ed, but you say yous just a friend, but you say yous just a friend. Oh baby yo-ou, you got what I..."

"Please stop. I don't mean "you" I mean "ewe" a female sheep."

"Cute! Sheepy! Where's the sheepy?" (god Kuwabara's stupid) You know girl, you are so right. (Are you sure you aren't that crazy woman from the hair salon?) I'm pretty sure. (Good.)

Hiei grew an evil grin. "Mmm. Lamb chops."

"NO!" Kuwabara then died.

"Um, are you sure he's okay?" Psychiatrist asked.

"Don't worry. I've hit him so hard his head spun around, yet somehow he always comes back. WHY! Why are you doing this to me! Now where are those lamb chops?"

Kuwabara suddenly came alive, yelled "NO!", and died again.

"That was strange." Kurama calmly said. "Can we keep signing?" So everyone (even Bob) except Kuwabara, (because he was dead) and NarratorDude, began dancing and singing:

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts! I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York, and Japan. And I'm too sexy for your body, too sexy for your body, the way I'm disco dancing!"

* * *

Kurama: Hey, has anyone seen NarratorDude. 

Hiei/smiles evilly/ I killed him.

Kuwabara: Good, now he can keep me company in heaven.

dl66: Who says you're going to heaven?

Kuwabara: No /drops to knees begging/ Please just bring me back!

dl66: Alright. But only if you come to my party.

Kurama: What party?

dl66: Shh. /whispers/ The one that I'm not really having.

Kuwabara: Alright please!

dl66: I know use my magical author powers to bring Kuwabara and NarratorDude back to life /magical music and flash of light/ There you go.

Everyone else: O.o

Kuwabara:Hey /looks around/ I'm a goat!

dl66: I know! And you're such a cute goat too!

NarratorDude: Is it time for the end of story thing yet?

dl66: Oh yeah! Hit it Hiei!

Hiei: Hn. /mumbling/ Baka author. /picks up card/ "What will happen next time in this story? How should I know! Will Risty save her supply of ice cream? Will Kuwabara get over the fact that I'm going to eat his sheep? Will Risty and I get to the ice cream truck in time? What does all of this have to do with going to a psychiatrist? Why can't I have ice cream?" Man that was a long card.

dl66: Get over it. Okay peoples please review! I'm in a good mood today so no crying /waves flag/ Yeah! All of my reviewers will get either muffins or chocolate chip pancakes. Please specify which you would like. Peace out peoples!

Risty (that's right boys and girls! I have finally decided to sign my fics! Aren't you so proud?)


	4. Kurama Gets Bashed

Guess who's back!

Back again!

I am back!

Tell a friend!

* * *

dl66: Hi peoples! I'm sorry I've been gone so long. I had to convince my parental units this was safe. /sigh/ They can be so stubborn. Anyway! Here's NarratorDude to remind you of the story so far. Hit it! 

NarratorDude: The Yu Yu Hakusho gang had to go to a psychiatrist. Her name was Dr. Martha Howwouldyouliketodietoday. Kuwabara was supposedly the only one who was normal but then dl66 killed him and turned him into a goat.

Kuwabara: Hey! Baa! No fair! I don't wanna be a goat!

dl66: Get over it /turns to NarratorDude/ Continue.

NarratorDude: Anyway. Risty joined the group and her and Hiei were trying to find a way to get to the ice cream truck that was parked outside because Risty had melted the rest of the ice cream with a flamethrower. /gasp/ That was long.

Kurama: Yes. And I was stuck singing "I'm Too Sexy"!

Yusuke: I don't know Kurama, I think it suits you.

dl66: Before things get too out of hand let's turn Kuwabara back into a person. /flash of light/

Kuwabara: Yeah!

dl66: And answer the reviews of the people who put up with my disappearance.

Black Wolf Jaganshi Lover: Well, I'm sorry it wasn't as good as the other chapters, and I thought Kuwabaka, um Kuwabara would be more liked if he were dead. (Kuwabara: Hey!) And because you mentioned it, here is some pudding. /hands you a big bowl of pudding/

Youkai: Thank you. /bow/ Yeah freaks and mentals! Here are your chocolate chip pancakes. /hands you a plate of pancakes/

Fightingcomet: No problem. (Hiei: When do I get sweet snow? dl66: Hold on!) Here are some more brownies for putting up with the wait. /hands you a plate of brownies/ And Hiei will be over to eat all of your ice cream after the chappie

Coco: Please don't send your Spiffy Potato Minions after me/starts crying/ I'm sorry it took so long. Thank you for wanting to make me one of your faves! Here are some muffins for your trouble.

FerrisWheel: I don't have your exact review, but I know you gave me one for each chappie so, thank you very much. /bows politely/ Here are some... um... /digs through bag/ Ah! I just baked a cake and I give it to you/gives you cake/

Kurama: Well, that was quite a few reviews.

Kuwabara: Uh huh! Uh huh /doing the "Happy I'm Not a Goat" dance/ Go me! Go me!

Yusuke: Didn't need to see that.

dl66: Yusuke. /big puppy eyes/ Please do my disclaimer.

Yusuke: Fine. /picks up card/ "Demonlrd66 does not own any of the characters in this fic except for herself, NarratorDude, Psychiatrist, and Bob. She does not own any songs by Aretha Franklin, and she can't really sign them either. And she just spent all of her money on film so there's nothing left to sue her for." Film?

dl66: Yeah! For my video camera! Duh! Here's the chappie!

* * *

"Talking" 

_Thinking_

Bob

**NarratorDude**

/action/

(ME! I sometimes feel the need to interrupt my fic because it is mine. Unlike anything else anymore.)

* * *

**Our supposed heroes were trapped in the small room of Psychiatrist. The ice cream was melting, Hiei was trying to kill Risty, Kuwabara was dead, Does he have to be dead?** (Just wait and see)** Alright. The ice cream truck was right in front of the office, Kurama, Yusuke, and Bob,** Master!/**sigh/ and Master were singing "I'm Too Sexy"** (which I do not own)** And we were all rather confused.**

"Well, I'm done." Kurama stopped dancing and sat down.

"Me too." Yusuke sat next to Kurama and fell asleep with his head on Kurama's shoulder.

"No! Not the precious ice cream!" Risty was screaming while trying to avoid being killed by Hiei and trying to save the ice cream that was melting on the floor in front of her.

"Excuse me." Psychiatrist walked over Hiei and Risty, pulled out a fire extinguisher, put out the fire, gave each of them two dollars, and sent them out to the ice cream truck.

**Risty and Hiei raced out the door and got in line for ice cream. Meanwhile inside Kurama and Yusuke were sleeping on the sofa and Kuwabara was dead. Psychiatrist walked over to Kuwabara and began to sing "Baby, Baby Sweet Baby" by Aretha Franklin.**

"Baby baby sweet baby,

There's something that I've just got to say,

Baby, Baby! Sweet Baby."

**Kuwabara then came back to life and thought he was a baby. He crawled over and sat on Kurama and Yusuke's laps and began crying.**

"Waaaahhh! Mommy! Daddy!" Kuwabara cried.

"Huh? What?" Yusuke woke up and looked at the crying Kuwabara. (now he didn't shrink or look like a baby or anything he was just acting like one)

"Kuwabara what are you doing?"

"Daddy?"

"What!" He thinks you're his Daddy. _I can see that stupid! _Who are you calling stupid? _WHY does he think I'm his Daddy?_ Maybe for the same reason Psychiatrist is laughing evilly in the corner. "Huh? Excuse miss Psychiatrist lady. Why are you laughing evilly?"

"Hm?" Stops laughing. "Oh! I was just reading a book that's all." _Gosh that boy is stupid._

"Oh, okay. She was just reading a book." Stupid.

"Daddy who are you talking to?"

"No one and I'm not your Daddy okay!"

Kuwabara began to cry and tug at Kurama's sleeve. "Mommy! Daddy yelled at me!"

"Huh? Who's Mommy?" Kurama woke up and noticed Kuwabara sitting on his lap and threw him across the room where he hit the wall and began crying.

**Risty and Hiei then walked into the room with a pint of ice cream each.**

"Mmm, This is good."

"Hn. Yeah."

**Kuwabara stopped crying, saw the ice cream and stole it from them.**

"Hey! He stole my ice cream!" Risty yelled. "Give it back!" She then began chasing Kuwabara around the room trying to kill him.

"Hn." Hiei stepped in Kuwabara's way and pointed his katana at him. "Give me my sweet snow baka."

**Kuwabara began crying for his Mommy and Daddy, and ran towards Yusuke and Kurama.**

"What is he doing?" Hiei watched Kuwabara crawl over to Yusuke.

"Daddy. He was going to hurt me!"

"Good."

"Mommy! Daddy wants the man to hurt me!"

"Right now so do I. Hiei please make him shut up."

"Hn." He grinned evilly.

**Psychiatrist started signing "Chain of Fools" by Aretha Franklin.**

"Chain, chain, chain!

Chain, chain, chain!

Chain of Fools!

You got me where you want me!

I ain't nothin' but your fool.

You're treating me mean!

Aaaa, You're treating me cruel."

"Kurama, why is she singing that stupid song?"

"I don't know, Hiei. But even though you're so mean, I still consider you my dear friend."

"Hn."

"Mommy. Are you cheating on Daddy?"

"I'm not your Mommy! Okay!" Kurama yelled. "And I am not gay!"

**Suddenly Yusuke and Hiei gasped, then Psychiatrist gasped and took notes, and Risty gasped through a mouth full of ice cream, and the receptionist came in the room and gasped, "Well there goes my web site." then some guy outside the window poked his head in a gasped, "Well there goes my dream wedding, and Kuwabara gasped "Mommy, what's gay?" and then everybody anime fell.**

"Kurama, does this mean you don't love me anymore?" Karasu asked.

"Where did you come from?"

"I hold my Kurama fan club meetings right next door. Wanna come?"

"No, thanks, please leave now."

**Karasu left.**

"That was strange."

"Mommy, are cheating on Hiei now too?"

"I'm not your Mommy and I'm not cheating on anyone because I'm not in a relationship with anyone I could cheat on!"

"Gasp! So what am I? Huh? Just some girl you met at a councilling session?"

"Yes."

"I can't believe you!"

**Kurama how can be so mean to the girl?**

Yeah. I mean really. First you and Yusuke are Kuwabara's parents, then you're flirting with Hiei. (who isn't even gay!) And now you tell Risty she's just some girl you met at a councilling session? How could you!

"Bob's right. It's bad enough you leave me. Now you have to crush the girl's spirits too?"

"Here, have some sweet snow." Hiei handed Risty his ice cream.

"Thank you Hiei. At least someone cares about me." Risty starts eating the ice cream and crying. "I can't believe you. After all we've been through together! Didn't the past two hours mean anything to you?"

"No, not really."

"Uh! How could you!"

**Risty runs behind a chair and starts crying. She then runs back out, grabs her ice cream, her cell phone, and a phone book and hides back behind the chair.**

"Mommy, how could you be so mean to the nice lady?"

"I'm not your Mommy! What's she saying?"

**They all gather around the chair and listen to Risty's phone conversation.**

"Yeah, and then he told me the past two hours meant absolutely nothing to him! Can you believe that? ... I know he is such a jerk! ... Oh, so you're going to give me free breadsticks? That is so considerate of you ... Yes, that's a large stuffed crust pizza with extra cheese delivered to ..."

**Everyone anime falls causing a loud bang.**

"Excuse me! I'm on the phone! Yes, the name is Risty, R-I-S-T-Y. ... Fifteen minutes? ... Okay, it'd better be warm ... Oh thank you dear ... I'll try to forget him but it's kind of hard since he's leaning over me ... Alright, I'll tell him ... Bye-bye dear." Risty hang up her cell. "The lady at the pizza place says you should be ashamed of yourself talking to a lady like that! And the pizza will be here in fifteen minutes."

"Damn it! You aren't supposed to be getting along and ordering pizzas!" Psychiatrist yelled.

"Why not? We've all been broken up with by the same person, and I invited Karasu up to make it more fun, so why shouldn'tI order apizza?"

"Because you stupid girl..."

**To Be Continued...

* * *

**

dl66: Yeah! My first cliffy!

Kurama: Yeah great. What's with everyone hating me?

Kuwabara: And why do I think I'm a baby /looks at pacifier on table/ Oh! Yummy /grabs pacifier and sticks it in his mouth/

dl66: I stole that from Koenma.

Yusuke: O.o /staring at Kuwabara/ I don't think he cares.

All: Eww!

dl66: The boys asked most of the important questions, so here's the sum up:

1. Will we get over the emotional scars caused by Kurama?

2. Why is Kurama so mean?

3. Why does Kuwabara think he's a baby?

4. What will happen when Karasu shows up?

5. What is Psychiatrist planning?

6. Why does she keep singing Aretha Franklin songs?

And now, a few side notes from my trusted friend, Bob.

Bob: Thank you dl66. Now I must inform you that dl66 had nothing against gays or lesbians, she simply does not think anyone in YYH is gay but thought it would be funny the way she chose to use it. Next, she does not believe herself to be Kurama's girlfriend so do not hate her. She, once again, thought it would be funny this way. And /looks at list/ Ah yes, I am going to materialize soon, as I am now, and will look like Marvin the Martian (who dl66 does not own). /flips page/ A quick note for fightingcomet, Hiei is on his way to eat all the ice cream in your fridge as we speak. Thank you and I now return you to dl66.

dl66: Thank you Bob. Please tune in next time to find the answers to all the previously asked questions that I am too lazy to ask again.

NarratorDude: Please review and let us know if you found this funny. We are running low on ideas and if you have anything to contribute it would be greatly appreciated. We will be sure to acknowledge that the idea is yours before we use it. If you completely hate this story please let us know why. Man I'm taking a long time. Later!

Risty n.n


End file.
